Chapter 11: The Downhill Slide

     I was dead tired by the time I finally got home. I noticed that Rosa's kitchen light was still on, so I knew she had been waiting up. It was getting close to sun up, so I didn't want to bother her in case she had fallen asleep which I believed was more than likely since she had to get Lennie off to school.  Tired as I was, I was glad I had the good sense to take a shower before I crawled into bed. I got a few hours of deep sleep before I was awakened by the sound of somebody using a key to unlock my front door, and then, several seconds later, Rosa slipped into bed beside me. I raised my arm so that she could snuggle in close, then we both fell asleep for a couple more hours.

      She woke me up my nibbling on my ear, "Good morning, Love, how is your appetite?'

     I sat up grinning, "My appetite is as good as any man's."

     She giggled and gently slapped at my face, "Are you hungry? I was thinking that I could cook you up a good breakfast."

    "I could eat a horse. I don't remember eating anything at all yesterday. I'm truly starving. Oh, I forgot, I don't have anything on hand but some yoghurt, some walnuts, some berries, and a couple of bananas."

    "I've got some eggs and bacon at home, I'll just run over to my house and get some."

     I started to get up, "Do you need help?"

     She was already up and pulling on her housecoat, "No, you stay, I'll be back in a jiffy." She was true to her word, and by the time I had gotten out of bed and dressed, she was back and setting the victuals on the kitchen counter.

      Before she started cooking though, I pulled her into the living room and down upon my lap as I sat in the one good easy chair that I owned."  missed you so much yesterday. Let's talk a bit first. There's a lot that you need to know."

      "Did you do the thing that you had to do?"

      "Yep and a few other things too." I didn't mention about blowing up the house, but I told her about the red-headed stranger and the things that he'd said at the card room. I mentioned some of the lies and half truths I had told him with the purpose for him passing them on.

      She listened intently occasionally frowning or nodding. Then she asked,"Do you think it was wise to let him go like that?" I knew that she would most likely ask me that question, but I was still woefully unprepared to answer it. I think because, it was the same question that I was having the hardest time answering for myself.

       "I'm not sure it was the wisest thing. Fitz kind of advised against it. Heck, all the other guys at the card room were against letting him go. The only way I can explain it is that I'm going to anything and everything to protect you and Lenny, but I'm going to try to keep the blood on my hands to a bare minimum."

      The answer wasn't entirely satisfactory for either of us, and it created an awkward silence as we thought about the possible ramifications of the decision. Finally, she broke the silence by asking about all of my books as she looked around the room, "All of these books are yours?" When I nodded, she walked another question," Have you read them all?"

        "Pretty much! I didn't do much socializing as a kid, mostly I read. It was a way to escape from reality. My mom used to take all of us kids to the library every Saturday morning. Walking into a room full of books is still on my favorite things."

        "You too? My Tio Juan, my mom's brother, used to bring us books to read and take us to the library. He was a teacher. My brother used to read us that one," she said pointing to my mom's favorite book.

           "Walt Whitman? That's my mom's book. Your brother read it? I didn't even know you had a brother."

           "I had two brothers and two sisters. My older brother Robert was angry all of the time, just like my dad. My younger brother Ezekiel, or Zeke as we called him, was a poet. He loved that book especially."

                "I contain multitudes."

             She laughed, "Yes, that one. He loved that one saying the most. When he would get depressed by something awful my father did or said, he would until my dad left and then smile and say, 'I contain multitudes'. I never did understand it, but it still made me smile."

               "It means that we humans are much, much bigger than we appear. We are the sum total of every thought, every action, every word we've ever heard, every thing we've ever seen, every sound, and every feeling. Every human being is actually a universe to him or her self. My mom used to read that poem to us after my dad died. Where's Zeke at? How come he hasn't come to see you and Lenny?" 

            I wished immediately that I could have taken the question back before I finished asking, the look in her eyes was so sad and painful, her face frozen in a slight grimace. "My brother was the one great thing in my life, the most colorful bird, always laughing, always gentle. My father couldn't stand having a son so gentle, so he always said things to hurt Zeke,  always compared him to my brother Robert who was more a like a snake. One night, after a real brutal experience with my dad, Zeke climbed to the top of a telephone pole in front of our house and hung himself. My dad was so angry and embarrassed that he left him there, and it was only because my mom and my sisters kept crying that he finally made Robert cut him down."

           "Dang! There's an awful lot of people hanging themselves in our lives. And you, Rosa? You didn't cry."

          "I was way past crying by then. I don't think I ever talked to my dad after that day. And I do feel bad for that. The night, after Zeke died, they laid out in a home made coffin in the back yard, there wasn't any yard, it was all dirt. They strung lights from the trees so it was all lit up. My mom's church on the corner loaned us some wooden benches, and my mom put out some Kool-aid and wine for the grown-ups along with some cold cuts and cheese. Me, I couldn't sleep so I went outside and I climbed up in the fork of this big china berry tree in the shadows. It was very late, after every one was gone, I heard the back door open and my father came out and kneeled down by Zekie's coffin and started sobbing. It was the only time I had ever seen him cry. I think he knew deep down inside that he had, gone too far, and that he needed Zekie's gentleness and soft ways, but he couldn't find a way to ever tell him, otherwise to let anybody else know."

     "What did your dad do for a living?"

     "He took care of horses in Mexico, he was well known in his village for how he handled horses. When he came to LA there wasn't much work for him in that field, so he became a mechanic and worked on cars. He hated working on other people's car. His family gave us the money to take him back to bury him in his village. They still called him 'the boy who knew horses'."

         "Dang."

         "That's not all. I stayed up in the tree all night. After about an hour after my dad went in, my brother Robert snuck outside. My grandpa had given each us of kids a big Mexican coin to pay to cross the river."

        "Cross the river?"

      "You know, like in the Greek stories, to pay the boat man, to take you across the river, to go to heaven. We all kept our coin and carried it everywhere we went for good luck. I saw my mom place Zeke's coin into his pocket before they laid him in the casket, and I saw my brother Robert take it out of his pocket that night."

          'What? Did you call him out?"

         "No, he was too big, and it would have shamed my family even more than the nature of Zeke's death. After he left, I climbed down, and replaced the coin with my own."

          "So, you don't have a coin to pay the crossing?" She looked down and shook her head no. I stood up and set Rosa down in the chair, and  went to the shelf and pulled out the book of poems, "Here, I want you to have this. It was my mother's favorite book."

           "I can't take that, Errol. It's your mother's."

          "Mom would understand. I know that she would want you to have it. Open it up and see." She took it from my hand and gently opened the book. Lying in the middle was an old gold coin. Rosa gasped when she saw it."

          "What is this, Errol?"

       "It's how I know that the book was meant for you. When mom died, we gave all of her possessions away. My sister got her diary, my brother Pete took her Bible, and I got this book of poems. When I unpacked it to set it on that shelf, the book opened to that coin. I never even knew it was in there. Look what she underlined."

          Rosa read the passage, "He sees eternity in men and women; he does not see men or women as dreams or dots." She closed the book and clutched it to her chest.

           "Someday very soon, Rosa, I hope and pray that you can return it to the same spot on that shelf and yet still keep it at the same time."

      When she realized what I was saying, she stood and wrapped her arms around me tightly. We stayed in the embrace for a long time, until I laughed and told her, "You can still cook me breakfast though.

       I was just wolfing down the last of the bacon, when Mrs. Cohen came knocking on the front door. I answered it and she looked worried and asked if Rosa was there, so I invited her in.

        "Rosa! Stay calm, stay calm! Lennie is all right, he's OK, but I just got a call from the school and they said some guy tried to take him out of school, but they wouldn't let him. Lennie is ok, but they said they need to talk to you."

      On the way to the school, I tried my best to keep her calm, but she was frantic and kept ordering me to go faster. I could tell that she was on the very edge of losing it. I tried to calm her down by talking, "Rosa, it don't make sense that it would be Giancarlo or those two idiots. It had to be Johnny. I don't know how he found out, but we'll do whatever we have to do, even if it means we move Lennie to a different school, or even us moving away from to somewhere else."

    She only half heard what I was saying, but when the import of the message got through to her it was if she came out of a trance, "I don't want to move. Mrs. Cohen and Miss Mildred are so good for him. Mr. Gomez hires him to wash his car and do chores. This is a great place, I don't want to leave there. It's not fair for Lenny to have to run and hide for something that I did."

     "I don't want to go either. I was just trying to say that I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

     She let that one thought hang in the air for a moment before looking me in the eye and answering, "Anything?"

     I didn't get a chance to reply because we were pulling into the parking lot of the school. When we got into the office, Lennie jumped up and ran across the room into his mothers arms crying, "It was Uncle Louie, Mom, he tried to make me go with him, but I didn't go. I yelled just like you told me, and Mr. Johnson helped me." He pointed to an elderly, gray-haired black man wearing overalls standing silently in the corner the room. You could tell the man was not used to being the center of attention as he kept his hands in his pockets and looked away when Lennie pointed at him. Rosa immediately released Lennie and took two large steps to cross the room to embrace Mr. Jackson.

       The principal of the school, a portly, red-faced, white man with named Dr. Jones sputtered, "Mr. Johnson, our janitor, saw what was happening and ran and grabbed hold of Lennie and wouldn't let him go. The assailant, a tall thin, devilish looking man kept cursing and striking Mr. Johnson, but we all started screaming and running toward him, he  let go and ran and got into a red Ford sedan and took off. We called the police and they are on their way. If, you don't mind, Miss DeLeon, could I get you step in my office so we can get started on the report?"

        Rosa and Lennie went off with him and I stayed behind with Mr. Johnson and the secretary. I wanted to ask him some questions, so I started out by shaking his hand. "I can't tell you how thankful we are for what you done."

         He relaxed a little when it was just the two of us, "No bother, I just did any man should have done in my place."

         "Yeah, but still, you acted, many people would have hesitated out of fear."

         "I could see  why they would too, he was a mean looking sucker. I never seen anyone who looked that mean. If I said I wasn't scared, I'd be lying."

          "If it's who I think it is, his nickname is El Diablo."

          "I can believe that. Is he the father of the boy?"

        "No, he's the uncle. The boy's father has disappeared under suspicious circumstances, his brother is trying to get the boy's mother. He thinks she had something to do with his brother's disappearance. That's all I can say. The mother is just trying to go on with her life."

           "She seems like a real nice lady. I hope things work out for her and the boy. Are you helping her?"

           I shook my head yes, "Trying to keep her and the boy safe, Mr. Johnson."

          "Well, that man was pure evil. You best get your mind right, young man because you'll be fighting with the Devil. I have no doubt that there ain't nothing that man wouldn't do to get his way." He gave me a knowing look with the statement.

          When we got back to Rosa's place, she sent Lennie inside and lingered to talk to me. She told me that people at the school were all great and they love Lennie wanted him to stay at their school. Lennie loves that place too, and he loves it here too. Then, she suddenly grabbed me and kissed me with very fiber of her being. Pulling away, she whispered, "I'm tired of running and looking over my shoulder all of the time.You said you'd do anything to protect us." then she walked back toward her house, turning to tell me one last things before she headed inside, "Go, do anything."

           I stood there for a second, confused by a whole multitude of feelings and emotions. Then I turned and started toward my house when I heard footsteps and turned back around as Rosa leaped back into my arms.

     I whispered as we embraced, "I'm just trying to be worthy of you, Rosa. You deserve someone worthy."

       She whispered back, "I just want to be alive, Errol. I want you and me and Lennie to still be alive and happy and somewhere safe."

      Later that night, alone in bed, I prayed for the first time since my mother died. I had never consciously rejected the idea that there was someone or something (I leaned toward something because it was hard for me to reconcile God being someone like the people I knew) directing this whole earthly drama, but I had gotten so caught up in the fictions and frictions of daily existence that I could hardly think straight about anything but survival. So, I prayed.

        "I'm not trying to be rude or smart." Then after some thought, "I'm just trying to protect Rosa and Lennie, Lord." Then after some more thought, "Please, help guide me, grant me some wisdom," and after more thought, "Please accept my thanks and please forgive my sin." I drifted off another reverie before I even got to the final words, the words that sealed the deal. 

         And in between the words of the prayer which were as sincere as I could muster, I was thinking of the words, "Inch tall." Inch tall was how Elsie always made me feel in those final days of our marriage. Like that night she first showed me the dress she was wearing the day she died, and me knowing that the dress wasn't meant for me, and it wasn't my approval she was seeking even as she asked me what I thought. I had never told anyone else that I knew she wasn't rouging her cheeks or applying that bright red lipstick for me. She knew I didn't like it and did it anyway. Then there was the way she started always compared me to her boss, telling me that I needed to work harder, to have more gumption and develop some vision. And there I was the standing by her grave as her family's preacher told the assembly about what a virtuous, fine young Christian she was turning out to be, and all the people who came and patted me on my shoulder and told me how it didn't seem like it, but time would surely heal all wounds. And I never told anyone, how, when I looked out the window and seen her sprawled out in the middle of the intersection, I felt a little sense of relief as if God himself had stepped in taken the problem out of my hands, knowing that I wasn't up to the challenge. Even when Pete and I were traveling across the country in an effort to put as many miles as we could between us and the source of all our nightmares, I never told him about the doubts, that sense of relief, not even in a whisper, or about the source of my bad dreams.

      Some times we would camp out at night, sometimes we would stay in cheap roadside motels, soon as we stopped for the evening, he would always start drinking himself into a stupor causing us to argue a lot. It would usually get to the point where he would end up  pointing his finger at me and slurring, "You didn't see him hanging there, Errol. You didn't have to climb out on that limb and cut him down. 

      But I would always silence him and end the argument by answering, "Yeah, but I helped you and Grandpa get him off the back of the wagon and carried him inside and undressed him and washed his body. You, though Pete, never looked out of the window and saw your wife sprawled out in the street like a broken doll." Pete knew all about Elsie's infidelities, but he always stopped just short of throwing them back in my face. And it was his silence, as much as anything, that kept me from the wholehearted belief that that it wasn't him who had hung her lover from that lamppost on the hill outside of  Tulsa. I never told him though about those mixed emotions I felt from viewing that scene from on high. And it was that unspoken knowledge that kept the distance between us once we got out to the promised land, the so-called 'Land of Milk and Honey', a place which should have been more truthfully labeled as, 'More of the Same'. 

         And it was then, that I awoke from the reverie and finished the prayer, by stating "In Jesus's name, Amen."